I’m taking a different turn with this Blog; hoping to go beyond Tarot as a subject and to delve into spiritual life experiences; mental, emotional and even physical topics that we all face during our time in this life. I started The Guided Tarot website before creating The Guided Tarot YouTube Channel and as the Channel evolved, my website didn’t as much, so I will be spending the next few months ensuring that one always reflects the other and finding ways to use both platforms for my overall mission; to help others through their spiritual journey, specifically through moments that require inner strength. I only discuss topics I have a full awareness of through personal experience, research and lessons I’ve learned on my own Spiritual Journey. I have met many highly-ascended Souls on this path who are fellow healers, practitioners and spiritual teachers. They have all taught me the power of Spirit and Faith and I only wish to teach others as well.
I initially began TGT simply because I wanted to share with others what I was gaining from Tarot; it helped me delve into some very dark parts of myself and helped me to understand who I was, who I became as an adult and addressed areas I could improve to get me to where I wanted to be energetically.
I spent many years in what I refer to as “The Dark Night in the Desert”. I was without God during this time; an adamant Atheist and a stringent believer in “self-sufficiency”, which deterred me from successfully developing true intimate relationships. Needless to say, I was in a very low-vibrational space; I attracted toxic relationships fed by a dangerous amount of insecurity, fear and repressed emotions. During this time there were several incidents or experiences that worked like a mirror for me; revealing to me who I had become. I was completely unaware of the emotional, mental and even physical pain I was in. After a few failed attempts at bonding and connecting with people, Spirit finally reached me; and it was after losing a potential intimate relationship (the guy could have ended up being my worst nightmare, who really knows but I really did like him), but the shock-factor was how I was reacting towards him, for example, two weeks into our “relationship” (we were not actually in a committed relationship yet because we just met) I was showing signs of extreme insecurity and distrust, which manifested in constant texting and calling, constantly questioning his whereabouts, getting upset when he didn’t respond to my communications in a “timely” manner and a constant back and forth where I would cut him off and then reach back out and apologize; it was a yo-yo nightmare! He eventually gave up and blocked me from further communication. I was crushed and just utterly shocked at my actions and emotional responses. The level of pain I felt was similar to going through a break-up from a significant long-term relationship and it absolutely scared me; I was worried about my future as well because I wanted to eventually have a genuinely intimate and true relationship but my actions, thoughts and perceptions were highly inappropriate and made me more concerned for my health and well-being; I wondered what was happening to me, why was I so needy and insecure, why was I so emotionally imbalanced and why did my temper flare so easily? What am I not seeing and what did I need to do to “fix” this?
Well, the “self-sufficiency” (and my passion for research and investigation and an insatiable thirst for knowledge) definitely came in handy at this junction because I went online and started researching my “symptoms” and after a few days I came across a woman (who is hell-a famous right now and if you don’t know her please Google her!) Brene Brown who is a shame and vulnerability researcher and the points she was making really hit home for me; I was suffering from immense pain, shame and moving through life with an emotional armor the size of the Sun (and probably just as dangerous if you got too close!). It took many future failed attempts at love and relationship (including a short-lived marriage to a Karmic Partner from the past who just so happen to come into my life to deliver the biggest “Tower Moment” of my existence). I was at a point where I felt I was reaching the pinnacle of my self-discovery when he entered my life, but I just wasn’t completely “there” yet. The shock of the destruction of the marriage and the aftermath brought me to my proverbial and literal knees! Through the settling dust I began to see my path. I started understanding what was holding me back and keeping me in The Desert (without even knowing that I was in it in the first place!). (I’ll delve into this experience in more depth in a future Blog entry and discuss the one key component I was missing in my life; Self-Love and acceptance, which is gained through our connection with a Higher Power).
I continued my research armed with the knowledge and wisdom gained through the failed relationships and became an avid YouTube viewer, mainly Brene Brown TED Talks and discussions surrounding love and relationships (Derrick Jaxn being one of my favorite relationship experts) and eventually I came across the YouTube Tarot World (my very first Reader was Sal from Eat Pray Love Tarot; he intrigued me because he is Filipino and so were many members of my family, including my mother, and not to mention he was very entertaining to watch). The Tarot Readers reminded me of the passion I had for Tarot as a teenager; the mystery of it was extremely enticing and it called me, incessantly. So I bought myself a deck and haven’t looked back since! It didn’t take long for me to know that Tarot (and later on astrology) were going to help guide me on my Soul’s Journey out of The Dark Desert and into The Light. I’ve learned that Tarot is more than a divinatory object, it’s more than a source of entertainment and fun, although it can absolutely be all those things but for me, personally, Tarot communicates the messages of Spirit (yours, mines, our Guides, God, The Universe etc.). It taps into the wealth of knowledge that humanity’s consciousness has stored away; a wealth of knowledge that we ALL carry with us but just aren’t easily able to consciously tap into. This pool of knowledge is always accessible, with or without the tool of Tarot. Yes, Tarot is a tool and we use it to access the Subconscious and Supersubconscious realm of the human experience; it bridges the gap between our conscious awareness to our inner being and Higher Selves. (Consider your intuition; your intuitive messages are from this “realm”). I used this knowledge to learn more about myself; my desires, my challenges, my obstacles, and most of all how to overcome them. (It’s amazing how much a person can be oblivious to who they really are and what would really make them happy). Tarot all but overcame my obstacles for me! That, of course, required my own inner power coupled with real life experiences that helped navigate me towards my Higher Self (vis a vis “Tower Moments”) and a very good therapist and Reiki Master! (Thank you Dr. Noah and Angela!)
So I’ll end this blog entry here for now. I want to thank everyone who has supported me through my journey and through TGT’s journey. I am so utterly grateful for my viewers and clients who inspire me to be a better version of myself each day and who allow me to help them traverse their own challenges and obstacles. And thank YOU for reading! Stay Blessed & Protected! xoxo